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How to help kids overcome challenges with the Meta-Problem Method

Children playing with a parachute
Kids against a blue sky

Help or sympathy?

Kids complain. A lot.

Sometimes, like us adults, they just want a sympathetic ear and a warm hug.

Other times, they really are asking for help to solve a problem, but they can’t describe what the problem is. For example, your child might tell you “I’m crying because it’s raining outside”, when a little probing reveals the real issue is that they are bored, they want to play, and the rain is preventing them from doing so. While you can’t control the rain, you can solve the real problem by suggesting some interesting indoor games.

Charcoal drawing of kids on a playground

Test and refine goals

Don’t assume you know what the child’s goals are. Ask your kids “what are you trying to accomplish? What choices do you have?”

When you don’t understand what someone wants, or you disagree what their options are, in effect you’re each solving different problems.

There are choices you can make to improve those goals. If the problem is “I’m scared of the dark” you can think about solutions like reducing darkness or reducing fear. Focusing on the options to achieve our goals lets us discuss directly what we’re trying to accomplish.

Is it a “good” problem?

The Meta-Problem Method is all about making sure the problem you set out to solve is as good as possible. How do we define good?

A “good” problem gives you the best balance between the effort it takes to solve it and the benefit you will get from solving it.

The Meta-Problem Method enables us to clarify what we really want, how much compromise we are prepared to accept, what options we have and what the trade-offs are between them.

It makes implicit assumptions explicit, so we can discuss them calmly together.

Kids with their hands raised

Check and amend

Stuff happens! Change and uncertainty are facts of life, but we often approach problem-solving as if they didn’t exist.

Kids are chaos agents. Every parent knows that no plan, however thoughtfully prepared, survives contact with reality.

One of the key points in the Meta-Problem Method is that solving a problem is a process, not an event. So, as you implement your chosen solution, watch for new information and changes in circumstances and keeping asking yourself “is this still the best problem to solve?”

Kids running a race

Read the examples below to see how you can start using the Meta-Problem Method today to solve better problems!