For Kids
How to help kids problem solve with the meta-problem
When we are trying to help our kids solve a problem, it is easy to fall into one of two traps:
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They describe their problem in terms of things they have no control over. I.e., complaining.
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The problem they describe to us is not really what is upsetting them because they aren't sure what they really want.
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The meta-problem (identifying which problem you want to solve, given many possible problems) can help us escape these traps by addressing them head-on. For example, if you interpret your kid's complaint as a problem to be solved, you might offer solutions when they just wanted to hear a "that sucks."
Other times, they do want a solution, but told you the wrong version of the problem. In those cases, you can start by asking "what are you trying to accomplish? What choices do you have?"
Defining "good" problems to solve
Fundamentally, the meta-problem is all about making sure the problem you set out to solve is as good as possible. How do we define good?
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It helps you improve your goals. This is often the biggest gap with our kids - we assume we know what their goals are, when instead we should just ask.
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There are choices you can make to improve those goals. If the problem is "I'm scared of the dark" you can think about solutions like reducing darkness, or reducing fear. Focusing on the options we have to achieve our goals lets us discuss directly what we're trying to accomplish, not just some arbitrary problem someone came up with.
We've picked the best blend of effort to benefit. This is where the meta-problem really shines since we can talk about all the choices we have to improve our goals, and then compare those different choices. Each one "solves" a different problem, but they are alternative solutions to the same meta-problem.
Work with your kids
The meta-problem framing is especially useful if your kids seem to be doing something that doesn't make sense. When I don't understand what someone wants, or I have different ideas of what their options are, in effect we're solving different meta-problems. Taking a moment to check in and ask "I thought you wanted this one thing, but now I'm not so sure. What do you want?" can help get everyone on the same page.
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If you have questions for how you can use the meta-problem to help teach your kids to be better problem solvers, click on "Contact" and send in your note!